Emotional Russian Roulette

I can’t believe that there is no search around this term and I feel that I should really push this phrase out into the world – mainly because I know no one is talking about it because of denial that it’s happening.

Emotional Russian Roulette can be played in many ways but the most common method is through text. You fire a text out to an ex or a crush and then spend an evening staring at your phone to find out what your fate is. The worst thing to happen is that you get no response which you translate as “I nothing you” and everyone knows that the harshest of all feelings is the non-feeling (which is why unrequited love is such a bastard). This is effectively like a bullet hitting you square between the eyes and you lose.

Break up Blues

A week ago I broke up with my boyfriend. It was mutual and amicable which means that the hardest thing to get over hasn’t been the emotional heart ache (which I’m dealing with in away akin to repaying a loan – in small regularly deposits) but rather the gap in my diary. Today is the first day since it happened that I haven’t had plans and I’m going slowly out of mind.

I used to love Sundays on my own. The place where I was living before we got together didn’t have a washing machine so I used to spend the day pottering around and there’d usually be a trip to the laundrette. I’d get a paper and a large glass of red wine in the bar next door to it, then walk along the beach, write letters to friends, little things. Little things that were amazingly satisfying because they were all about me. And now I am bored.

The great news is that as of a few months ago I’m not the only one – it may be in some way related to the band with the same name but I’d like to think that there are lots of recently single people in the same position as me. Bored. Bored. Bored. Hopefully I’ll remember how to enjoy my own time properly in a couple of weeks but in the mean time I’m going to take solace in the fact that I’m not the only one. Hopefully.