The Ultimate Get-Out

September 26, 2008

It was in the middle of a meeting which I’d already attended at least 72 times in the space of 3 weeks, that I coined the idea. It’s so simple and utterly fool proof – when you’re in the middle of a meeting where the conversation goes around and around in circles for what seems like all eternity, shuff your pencil in your eye. Then stand up and calmly explain that due to the fact that your eye is bleeding you will not be able to continue with the meeting.

This technique also discourages people from delegating work to you – as soon as you catch someone senior striding purposefully towards you, stick your pencil in your eye. You can see from the search statistics below that there is definitely room for a streamlined pencil that can effectively carry out eye poking.

I’m definitely taking this one to The Dragons’ Den.


You Being Me

September 19, 2008

Unfortunately, after some careful consideration, I have decided that in the current economic climate very few people will be able to afford the luxury of coffee. Instead may I introduce Plan B- You Being Me or as I refer to it Me being You.

As you can see from the diagram below, there is a very real demand for professional impersonators. Not of the BBC satire variety but really talented pros who can live your life for you without anyone batting an eyelid.

In modern society there is often a huge amount of pressure to “have it all”, you know the job, the family, the house, the friends, the wealth – all the really big “the”. With my new service, when it all gets too much I will come and live your life for you – and with time and without the resentment of knowing that I’m not being paid enough to deal with everything, I will get better at living your life than you.

Just think about it.

Potential Business Plan

September 9, 2008

I have decided to leave my current job and join the pioneers at NASA/Starbucks. As you can see by the search volumes below, more people are searching for coffee shops in space than ordinary coffee shops or coffee shops not in space. A solid business case I think you’ll agree.